Angels of lesser God

I was driving for a meeting, listening to music and planning things for the day in my mind and suddenly saw a child frantically running towards me amid the maddening traffic. He was waving at me, asking me to stop. I realized it was Ajay, one of the children whom I have befriended near D.N. Nagar traffic signal, Andheri. Despite the angry honking, I managed to stop the car by the road side. Within seconds, Ajay darted towards me gasping for breath. I sensed something different about him. The usual naughty smile and the chirpy demeanour, were missing and he looked sullen.

I asked him what was the matter but he was quiet, as if struggling to find words. When I put my hand across his shoulder, he held my hand, looked in my eyes and said, "didi, kaal ratri maza baap mela"(my father passed away last night). It was futile trying to pierce through cold horizons of his eyes. After a few moments of silence, with his fingers firmly entwined into mine, he narrated his experience of watching his father die before his eyes. I became numb with a lump in my throat and my foggy eyes were threatening to start avalanche of tears. How does one console a grief stricken child, barely ten, in such a condition?  

While Ajay was narrating his experience, I realized, for him his father- a drug peddler, was almost a non existent figure even while he was alive! It was barely a month when Ajay had lost his thick buddy, Ganesh and had shared that shocking news with me in similar manner. Ganesh, was like any other nine year old child; full of mischief, laughter and eyes brimming with hope. His ambition was to start business when he grew - have a "thela" (a road side shop) and be master of his own destiny. Sadly, he fell ill and within days, succumbed to the illness.

Most of the children, whom I have befriended, are victims of dysfunctional families, parental neglect, physical and/or sexual abuse, family substance abuse, violence and are settled with pavement community (living on sidewalks, in parks or empty plots) and are always at risk of catching disease, starvation and abuse. They struggle for survival alone despite having their families. Many are lost in this chaotic urban sprawl, a terrifying place for them to live.

In 2000, the government passed the Juvenile Justice Act, which outlines the rights of children and mandates the government to work with NGOs to address the problems of homeless children. There are many people working in this field and doing truly commendable work. But looking at the number of street children I wonder is it enough? 

I spent some time with Ajay, met his grieving mother and family at the roadside pavement and left for my meeting with heavy heart.  I felt terrible thinking about if I had done enough for Ganesh. Wasn't I guilty of feeling that I had done my job once I paid for his medicines? It is not practically possible to help every single child like Ganesh, in need. But had I been little more involved, perhaps I could have saved a life! And that thought is haunting me as I can't forget Ganesh's innocent face, the naked truth of vicious poverty. My heart is screaming silently. All I need is someone to hug me tight! Would God ever forgive me?

Death by design and desperation...

Recently, world was shaken by two very sad news. The horrific, man made catastrophe on 22 July, at Oslo, Norway, that killed 91 people and death of Amy Winehouse in suspicious condition (read, substance abuse at its worst!) on 23 July. 

A self proclaimed saviour of the nation, Anders Behring Brievik went on killing spree that he managed to carry out with utmost precision and took lives of 91 innocent people. This horrific rampage was the result of deep rooted hatred for Islamic immigrants! 

While I was watching the story of the gruesome killings in Norway, it struck me how the constantly changing world with paradigm shifts in politics, economics and power play is compelling social transformation globally. Not always, we are equipped to handle the pace with which such transformations occur at different levels. 

We live in interesting times! We don't know when some religious fanatic, fundamentalist or any insane person might destroy our life and that fact is very difficult to cope. Such tragic events are rare yet at the back of the mind these threats always lurk and saddest part is there is no logical explanations to "whys" of such mindless killings that leave us weary and helpless. 

If we go little deep in history of human kind, we would find that most of the massacres occurred due to basic human follies like judgment and prejudice! Human kind has suffered immensely due to this malevolent disease of hate, prejudice and judgment. How often do we examine our own thinking and check if we are nursing any hatred within us and if it is evident in our actions, mindsets and attitudes. Are we choosing compassion over hatred? 

In Amy Winehouse's death, one sees clear signs of turbulent personal life. What a waste of such a talented, soulful singer, we wonder! Why, someone like Amy would give up life and find solace in substance abuse? Dig deep and we find endless tales of despair, ambition, loneliness, failed relationships and the pain and dark anguish, guilt and shame it entails. 

Life is such a wonderful gift! I fail to understand why anyone would give it up? I have no words to express the pain of grieving families. With each life that was lost, there was a family and many heart broken friends who  experienced devastation which is difficult to heal! Their pain is beyond words hence impossible to express! All I would say is, R.I.P Utoya kids, I feel so sorry for you and your loved ones! R.I.P Amy Winehouse, how I wish you knew how precious you were! I end this post with one of my favourite songs by Amy; which turned out to be sadly prophetic( "I tread a troubled track")!

Burden of that dark cloud

Mumbai witnessed yet another tragic incident of bomb blast on 13/07/11 and life stood still for some time. Since then, I have been feeling very wobbly emotionally. My usual chirpy self has hidden behind some dark cloud that keeps hovering around; chasing me like a killer, consumed with pursuit of unreasonable satiety. The questions proffered in my mind are macabre and so are the answers; very uncomfortable and suffocating.

Ignoring media's appetite for sensation even in grief stricken times seems veritable triumph. The social networking sites come across as embodiment of the common rage that is deeply rooted in our minds and which we share. When shocking events of this magnitude are packed in such short time, it is too much to comprehend! (Almost 20 people died and hundreds got seriously injured, in the bomb blasts!)

The very thought of not knowing, when such mindless killings would ever stop; where and when would these attacks happen again and would I and my family members/loved ones, be lucky next time and finding answer to the most disturbing question "why these killings", often leaves me with cerebral chaos. Every day, I keep telling myself, "It's a new day, full of hope! I won't let ANYTHING stop me from life" and struggle to hold on to it and keep afloat. Unknowingly, the anxiety and insecurity floats back in my mind that weighs my soul. Each passing day, I try to hold on to fragments of fragile optimism and feel like I am walking over thin ice!

When life suddenly presents us such tragic occurrences, we realize the comfort of unconditional love. We realize value of nurturing sensitivity, compassion, goodness and purposefulness that comes with the strong belief that life is a privileged energy to have and it helps garner immense strength, especially when faced with some tragic events.

It is strange how life poses situations that compel us to reflect within. The bomb blasts in Mumbai, again made me wonder, do we truly appreciate life till something tragic happens to us? Do we really know our blessings?   How little do we understand our joys? How often do we bring our best energy to spaces of awareness so that we appreciate what a beautiful gift life is?

 "Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats." - Voltaire. 
 

These days, I keep telling myself,again and again, "Smile today. Don't wait for tomorrow. Zindagi na milegi dobara.There is only one life. Enjoy to the fullest, every day." Do I sound like a life coach? I didn't intend to!

A crime of passion

Last few days, Indian media has again been engulfed with Neeraj Grover murder case which has heightened peoples' interest ; considering the nature of the crime and all the drama it entailed. With Maria Susairaj being released, many people have questioned if justice has been really served.

What intrigues me in this entire episode is not the concern about justice or the strong reactions from the people who feel Maria, being equally responsible for the crime should be hanged. I have full faith in our judiciary system. I am boggled by the the attention Maria Susairaj is receiving, after her release and the way she has successfully managed to manipulate media.

Looking at her photographs in the newspapers was disturbing. The photographs show her walk past the policemen who look at her admiringly, as if she is some great celebrity! The social networking sites have been set aflame by so much interest in Maria's future that the whole issue of her being involved in heinous crime seems to have diluted. There is a lot of buzz layered with awe, about how she bagged some reality show that would fetch her fortune and now that she is a known "celebrity" her future is set to roar. I feel SICK to the core. 

I almost threw up while watching Maria Susairaj and her lawyer at the press conference, on television. Her lawyer tried to convince media that the victim's body was not cut into 300 pieces, by presenting a photograph as proof. I found that audacious act of convicted criminal which was carefully staged by her lawyer, absolutely VULGAR!

This is what we have become as society? Nothing affects us? With every passing day, learning about new crimes that shame us as human beings; makes me wonder what is happening to our collective intelligence and conscious? Crime has become such an integral part of our life that we don't find it worth paying attention, more than a few tweets and some status uploads on social networking sites! 

In the times when even most gruesome crimes are covered by media in salacious manner to cater the insatiable need of its audience and for its own survival, what can one expect? The Neeraj Grover murder case, I feel, is not only a crime of passion but also a crime of mindless ambition and greed. It doesn't serve to bury our head in sand and ignore the blatant social reality. With every single day, I feel there is great need to contemplate and listen to our conscious that plays great role in determining our character. And by that, I mean, character of not only us as individuals  but also as whole society. Let us pause and reflect where we are headed.

Phenomenal woman, you ignite my spirit !

I spotted her at a handicraft exhibition, few weeks back. There she was; at the stall, selling exquisite, indigenous craft items from the state of Gujarat. She was dressed in gathered skirt, long blouse in interesting hue of pink with orange tint and printed odhani (garment that covers head and is pleated to the skirt) with an intricate lace at the border. 

Her attire, very ornately embroidered in shocking pink, green and blue stood out in perfect contrast with the trendy outfits of impressive array of people dressed in mostly summer whites or light colours. Her stunningly beautiful accessories in silver and gold were simply breathtaking! Her hands, full with colourful bangles in plastic and silver and her upper arms embellished with bangles in white made her look absolutely mindblowing. 

There was something more to her, much beyond her vibrant clothes and jewelry that was very compelling! She commanded respect with her stern yet elegant presence and that precisely what intrigued me and tempted me to strike some conversation with her.

I took my own time to approach her and finally met her when she was relatively free. There were barely few people discussing and admiring her elegant creations with brilliant finish and checking out the prices. At last, she looked at me and I seized that opportunity and with a smile, asked in Gujarati, "kem chho masi ? "(meaning, how are you aunty?) She was happy to hear those words in her mother tongue and at that very moment, we struck a chord. For the first time, I noticed her face and it captured my attention in a way that is difficult to explain with words.  

One look at her face and I knew I was witnessing triumph of long years of hard work. Her eyes, with deep Kohl were very haunting and yet there was something gorgeous in it. The undiscovered worlds beneath her gaze seared my heart. Her face concealed scars of agonizing pain that were buried within, unattended for ages. And yet, there was something exceptionally remarkable about her. I was speechless for some time and completely at loss for words. I wondered what all she must have gone through in life?

Fortunately, being familiar with Gujarat and its rich culture, I remembered I had an advantage. I had enough to make her speak. I picked up some cushion covers with interesting motifs and great finesse and asked if there was any social, cultural or spiritual significance to them. She looked surprised but that certainly won me her gorgeous smile and she opened up and shared a few things about her life briefly!

She hailed from a small town in Gujarat, was heading a micro enterprise, created and supported by women of her village. She was supporting a joint family of more than a dozen people and she counted herself very blessed because children from her village were able to get education, receive more than just basic health care, dress properly and eat nutritious meals. She seemed happy that the younger lot did not have to face harsh realities of life that she and her generation were often subjected to in times of dire poverty.

She explained with pride, how women from her village despite many difficulties, had learnt to be independent by creating a business model meant for craftswomen. She talked about how education had contributed to a better life and her dream of reaching out to many more villages through the enterprise. It was only five years since the micro enterprise had started but she seemed determined to make it a successful venture and was convinced it had great future. I asked her if she ever got tired of the work and wished to enjoy life with her large family of children and grand children at home, to which she promptly replied, "Every woman from my village is my family and if we think about our own desires and interests, our venture would collapse." Here was a lady, who had never been to school, imparting some of the finest lessons of life through her own example!

Our conversation didn't last more than a few minutes but in those moments I was completely overwhelmed. Despite all the hardship she experienced in life, she had not lost her raw beauty that seemed untouchable. She portrayed immense courage in facing every challenge, life presented and proved herself a winner!

I finally bought some cushion covers and bags as she started having many customers again. On my way back home, I realized I had not even asked her name! But it really didn't matter. For me, she would always remain a phenomenal woman, who ignited my spirit and had changed me in some subtle way within. 

Plant from the broken pot...

 I was going out yesterday and as I waited for the security guard to open the main gate for my car, I looked at the garden casually and a plant caught my attention. There it was, thriving happily and the sight of it made me grin in disbelief! There is a story behind it. 

That plant was part of my home till about a few months ago. Every day, I would water the plant, clean and caress its leaves gently. When the colour palette changed, creating different shades of pink and white, it received extra admiration from me and I could sense its happiness reciprocate when the leaves started the slow dance with the flirtatious wind! (And we think only human beings love attention!) 

I was away from my home for long time due to my mother's illness few months back. With heavy heart, I had to hand over all my plants to the gardener of the building. When I returned, the plant was in terrible condition. The building was undergoing renovation and the plant had suffered heavily. All other plants except this one were doing fine. I was in tears to watch its leaves and roots dried up. The gardener had shifted it to the bigger terracotta pot and it was obvious that he had done everything possible to revive it. Then, last month, a worker mishandled it while shifting the plant and the terracotta pot broke. At that point, I gave up on it, thinking, that was the end of the story. The final blow! I felt sad thinking about how I would never be able to touch its tender green and pink leaves again.

I am so overwhelmed that it is NOT the end of the story. Ever since the pot broke and half the roots spread to the soil and regained life, traversing through cracks and crevices, it has survived and grown remarkably, bursting with vitality and vigour! Now it has a new structure to anchor and areas for the root to expand and grow. It looks magnificent and it is difficult to believe that it was struggling for life just about a few weeks ago. I have observed every stage of its bloom since. 

Yesterday, it dawned on me - one can't grow in a small or broken pot forever. If we continue like that, we would end up dead. If we have to realize the potential of our life, we must be conscious and aware of our respective "pots" where we exist. Most of the times, we meander through our daily existence in a haze of isolation barely recognizing the need of our true spirit. 

The plant at the garden has taught me many things. When I tried to put myself in its shoes (roots) or whatever, it made me look at things from Nature's vantage point. Suddenly, Nature looks very different. I feel I am very much part of the web of Nature and not an outsider. This plant is a mirror in which I can see myself in a slightly different way. And as much it is a story about a plant that survived, it is also a story about human desire.  

If I have potential to grow I must be willing to change and adept. I always believe change is for good and it is high time to change from my cracked pot existence! 

"You don't get to choose how you are going to die or when. You can only decide how you are going to live. Now. " - Johm Baez   

Are you living in a small cracked pot ?

A world within the city...

I love to wander unknown streets in the city and click photographs. I find a cafe, order a coffee and discovery of unfamiliar territories in my cerebrum begins. It can be any place, even a bench under a tree just when I am barely out of rain or searching for a respite from sweltering heat and declare that place my fortress for some time. What follows in those few moments, is an amazing journey that helps me grow and evolve.

 A jetty carrying people from Versova to Madh island

Yesterday, I had an opportunity to visit a place in the city I had heard about but never visited before. I am a member of a group that plans weekend shoots at various places in the city. The shoot was at Versova village, a tiny hamlet thickly populated by vesawe koli people. I must confess, when I started walking towards the village with the group members, I experienced series of feelings; irresolute and conflicted, discordant, uneasy and uninspired. Since the place buzzes with fishing, the abhorrent stench was a HUGE challenge for olfactory senses and there were times when I sincerely wished to return without shooting a single picture!

 Boat lying on the shore

The bulging bag of chocolates I had carried for the members of the group was emptied in seconds by the children who chased me, grabbed me, made me sit, sprawled near me and asked innocent questions. They were interested in knowing about my family and life in general. When asked about my mother, I told them I had lost her very recently. I could sense recognition of the loss flash in some of their eyes.

 A roadside joint serving breakfast at early morning

One old lady with a very gentle smile, approached me and after learning I was married,  almost demanded explanation from me for not wearing the mangalsutra, bangles and toe rings! 

Worker at the flour mill  

It was very painful to keep away from the core areas where so much action took place. The Koli women were indeed very tempting subjects but the fish market was situated right on the big garbage dump where the stink was beyond my tolerance level. However, I did manage to click many other facets of the life throbbing there that captured my attention. I was bowled over by a couple of people who despite the stench managed to visit the deep pockets of the village, befriend the people and clicked some fabulous pictures.

   A koli woman selling flowers near the temple 

I missed out on shooting many interesting subjects due to my being very sensitive to smells. I was on a great high despite that. I treasured every single moment of my visit and I realized that the highlight of this shoot was not only the pictures but connecting with "real" people with innocent smiles and big hearts. (I was surprised to receive many invitations for having "fish curry and rice"!)

  Waiting to sail

Few hours spent on early morning Sunday, provided glimpse of different life that is far away from the softly padded walls of the modern city, just a few meters away from this place, lives! The shoot was an answer to a clamouring scream to break out from layers and layers of florid world and grasp at something "real". Exploring macabre world like Versova served that very purpose!

Divine bliss

"Pilgrimage is an important milestone in life; a journey of devotion, a search of meaning or something to be attained, before we die. It is a quest that fills you with profound longing that gets still, only when we follow our personal journey."

Last week, I wrote about our experiences of staying close to Himalayas. One equally beautiful facet to our expedition to Himachal, which made our trip a complete experience, was visiting several temples and Buddhist monasteries. Why I am  writing again about Himalayas, you must be wondering. 

Well, multiple images collide in my mind and I experience unique thrill when I find my imagination walk within the spaces of new discoveries at intellectual, emotional, cultural and spiritual levels. The discoveries instilled beautiful spiritual vibes that I still feel even after having returned to my very demanding routine of urban life.  

                         His Holiness, Dalai Lama's residence                                 

 

Since time immemorial, the Himalayas have been sanctuary for Sadhus, spiritual leaders and God. When we planned our journey, the only pilgrimage we had in our minds was, the main temple at Dharamsala and meeting H.H. Dalai Lama. Sadly, our wish could not be fulfilled due to his prior engagements. However, we explored the nearby places and found some of the most amazing places of worship with stunning surroundings. Exploring new places is always baffling and thrilling experience. Such interludes often introduce me to new spaces of thinking, a delightful wandering that I truly revel.

                         Baijnath temple built in 9th century, A.D

Baijnath temple, an ancient temple of Lord Shiva, situated about 16 km from Palampur, is captivating blend of intricate carvings and exquisitely sublime architecture, in stone. Looking at the edifice in the backdrop of mystical, snow clad mountains is ethereal experience! 

                         Monastery at McLeod Ganj market

  

Entrance of Sherab Ling monastery amidst the pine forest

The Sherab Ling Monastery premises, situated in Bhattu ( Kangra district)

The moment we drove down from the entrance of the Sherab Ling monastery, sprawled across thirty acres of pine forests at the foothills of Kangra valley, we were in complete awe! The main shrine of Lord Buddha at the monastery evokes very soothing vibes. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks and for few minutes I felt as if I was in magical, deep trance! I was cleansed. It was divine bliss.

Watching little monks perform their prayers, observing the child in them was very fascinating. The Buddhist chants have great impact and when one observes spiritual gurus engaging in earnest discourse with the disciples, it feels as if we are in completely different era!

The expanse of the Himalayas teaches us humility every moment and provides great solace for soul. The experience is humbling but it is not attained as outcome of any process but learnt  through wanderings that introduce us to a beautiful journey within, all anew! 

Silver crest of enchanting Himalayas

It has been more than a week since I returned from our family holidays to Himachal Pradesh but my hubby and son often joke that I haven't yet returned completely. Well, I am not to be blamed. The Nature lover in me is still engulfed with remnants of some of the most blissful and cathartic moments of my life! During the trip, tears of sheer joy filled my eyes several times and I was not able to control them. There was a serene calm and I felt immensely cleansed after experiencing those divine moments.  

Call it magic of mystical Himalayas! From the very moment we drove through labyrinth of snow clad mountains, we were intrigued by the spectacular collage of colours, forms, textures and perspectives that took our breath away. Our usual talkative selves were completely lost in the beauty of abundant lush green surroundings, satin blue sky, floral carpet of different hues in purple and meandering streams cascading down the mountains, a sheer treat for the senses.

Hubby surprised me with the property where he had booked our stay at Palampur. In the backdrop of imposing Himalayas, amidst acres of thick forest and amazingly beautiful tea estate gardens, there were only five cottages and we had the privilege to stay in one of those cottages. I had carried some books and tried reading them, sitting outside the cottage but the surroundings were so mesmerizing that I completely surrendered myself to the sheer abundance and was soaked in silence.

I

Imagine yourself so tuned in with Nature that the energy of the very creation of the Universe seems to be in perfect harmony with your being. Slowly, it permeates deeply in your body, mind and soul and for those few moments there is absolutely nothing between you and Mother Nature! Experiencing those moments of tranquility are immensely therapeutic.   

Only time we stayed in the cottage was at night when we were sleepy. Watching sun rays creating different designs on the snow clad Himalayas was so tempting that we didn't feel like missing out on a single moment. The humbling experience of witnessing expanse of majestic Himalayas is difficult to narrate.

     

Contrary to our urban life, we were completely free. Free from demands on time, expectations, worry of the future or regrets of the past. We were way far from all that. Our thoughts automatically managed to disappear, calm easily attained and our minds very still. Everything that we experienced was being translated or understood without reference to anything! It was happening in the moment where we were completely present.

Ever since I have returned from the holidays, I feel as if I am oozing out with some powerful energy that one derives only from being very close to Mother Nature. The flood of emotions I felt during these Holidays is beyond words! I learnt, Nature's true worship is in listening to it and deep down I have transformed at some level. 

It is interesting, how despite visiting Himalayas so recently, my heart longs to be there and I know I wouldn't be able to stay away from it for long!